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Lesson 3

i can say 'NO' when i want to

I can say 'yes' when i want to


I would like you to use the above affirmations as a permission to say NO and YES when it is acceptable for you. always check with yourself if what someone is asking of you is something you WANT to do. You have the right to choose. If you are not sure whether you want o say YES or NO, you can always say " Can i get back to you on that?'. This will give you time to think about what it is you want to do. 


If you find that someone is pressuring you to say YES to something you are not sure about, you can say: "This is making me feel uncomfortable, I will think about it and get back to you!"


If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about 'rejecting' them or not doing what they ask of you, you must let the know that this is manipulative behaviour and it will not work with you. Pay attention to your body. What does your body say? Our bodies are always speaking to us. do you feel discomfort in your solar plexus? Usually this is an indication that something isn't right.


If they are blackmailing you or bribing you, that's another red flag. For example: "If you don't come to this party, I will never speak to you again!" or "If talk to her again, I won't be friends with you". 


These are all attempts to control other people and they come from insecurity, low self esteem and deep fear of abandonment. However we can not change other people, control the, save them, heal them or help them if they don't want to be helped themselves. We can however pray for them and send them a light energy, so that may be one day they can Heal. Once they heal, they will stop trying to manipulate others, in order to get their needs met. 


Saying NO can be the most liberating experience, even if it is not easy in the beginning. If you have never been allowed to say NO, have your own opinions, wishes or even worse punishes for saying NO growing up, of course subconsciously there will be fear and hesitance. 


Once you practice it, however, it will become second nature. I am not saying you go around saying NO to everything and everyone, but it is freeing to know that you have the option to say NO.  


Saying NO is only a part of setting boundaries. Creating healthy & fulfilling relationships includes both identifying what you don't want and what you do want. Asking for what you DO want in relationships can be as difficult as saying NO, especially when you don't know what you want. 


The next part of this lesson is to identify your needs and desires. 


Fear, shame, guilt, anger, resentment & doubt can stop us from communicating our needs. 


To ask for what what you needs and desires, you must first have a clear vision of what it is you want. But it isn't always easy to reflect deeply on what it is you want, then communicate that truth to the people in your lives, especially when the stakes are high. It may feel safer to not speak up and avoid dealing with the fear of being refused, or worse, rejected by the other person.


But it's helpful to remember that when you learn how to say no and yes to things that matter to you, it frees up your time and energy to pursue your goals and dreams. To have a clearer vision of what matters takes reflection, practice, and trusting your inner guidance system. Tuning into your intuition and listening to your feelings will guide you in setting the right boundaries in your life.


When you feel a boundary has been crossed, start paying attention, tap into your intuition and be mindful of your body and your feelings. How you feel physically and emotionally are powerful indicators of where a boundary has been crossed. 


To begin building your boundary mindfulness, practice these steps:


Pay attention to your body. 


What physical sensations come up? Are your muscles tense muscles, is there pain, fatigue? Where do you feel the physical sensation? Chest, stomach, head, arms?


Pay attention to your emotions. What kinds of emotional are you feeling? Anger, sadness, fear, doubt?


Identify and accept your emotions. Understanding what you feel means naming it and accepting it. If it's chest pains and anger you feel, give yourself permission to acknowledge it with compassion, without judging or repressing it.


Acknowledge  the boundary that was crossed and ask yourself, "What needs to be protected?" Take time to explore this question and write down what you find.


Name the boundary. As clearly and directly as possible, say the boundary to yourself.

Write down the boundaries that you need to set.


For each boundary you listed, include the name of the person(s) the boundary involves.


By practicing these steps, you will strengthen your intuition and be able to identify the kinds of boundaries you need. Although you have yet to learn how to communicate those boundaries, discovering what it is you want and don't want is an empowering step forward in the journey.



When was the last time you asked yourself what you need and desire? It might be something you rarely if ever do, but it's a great way to take stock of your life and discover what's important, and what's being neglected.


Today's Exercise

Write down all needs and desires in your personal, professional and spiritual today.

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Which ones are your 'high-priority' needs? These are activities that you have to do or want to do. Write them down. 




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Now, ask yourself, from these 'high-priority' needs, Which ones are meaningful and nourishing to me?

Do they align with your values and my self-care?"


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For the next 7 days, pay close attention to when one of your high-level priorities is crossed. 


Practice the mindful boundary exercise above and write down your experience.

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Complete & Continue