Self Love School
Hypnotherapy and Coaching
by Sotoda Saifi
Saying "Yes" & "NO"
Being able to say no can liberate and empower you on another level, however it's only part of setting a boundary.
Creating healthy, thriving relationships includes both identifying what you don't want and what you do want. Communicating what you do want can be as difficult as saying no sometimes, especially when you don't know what you want.
Fear, doubt, and anger can stop us from communicating our needs and desires.
To ask for what what you needs and desires, you must first have a clear vision of what it is you want. But it isn't always easy to reflect deeply on what it is you want, then communicate that truth to the people in your lives, especially when the stakes are high. It may feel safer to not speak up and avoid dealing with the fear of being refused, or worse, rejected by the other person.
But it's helpful to remember that when you learn how to say no and yes to things that matter to you, it frees up your time and energy to pursue your goals and dreams. To have a clearer vision of what matters takes reflection, practice, and trusting your inner guidance system. Tuning into your intuition and listening to your feelings will guide you in setting the right boundaries in your life.
When you feel a boundary has been crossed, start paying attention, tap into your intuition and be mindful of your body and your feelings. How you feel physically and emotionally are powerful indicators of where a boundary has been crossed.
To begin building your boundary mindfulness, practice these steps:
Pay attention to your body.
What physical sensations come up? Are your muscles tense muscles, is there pain, fatigue? Where do you feel the physical sensation? Chest, stomach, head, arms?
Pay attention to your emotions. What kinds of emotional are you feeling? Anger, sadness, fear, doubt?
Identify and accept your emotions. Understanding what you feel means naming it and accepting it. If it's chest pains and anger you feel, give yourself permission to acknowledge it with compassion, without judging or repressing it.
Acknowledge the boundary that was crossed and ask yourself, "What needs to be protected?" Take time to explore this question and write down what you find.
Name the boundary. As clearly and directly as possible, say the boundary to yourself.
Write down the boundaries that you need to set.
For each boundary you listed, include the name of the person(s) the boundary involves.
By practicing these steps, you will strengthen your intuition and be able to identify the kinds of boundaries you need. Although you have yet to learn how to communicate those boundaries, discovering what it is you want and don't want is an empowering step forward in the journey.
When was the last time you asked yourself what you need and desire? It might be something you rarely if ever do, but it's a great way to take stock of your life and discover what's important, and what's being neglected.
Write down all needs and desires in your personal, professional and spiritual today.
Which ones are your 'high-priority' needs? These are activities that you have to do or want to do. Write them down.
Now, ask yourself, from these 'high-priority' needs, Which ones are meaningful and nourishing to me?
Do they align with your values and my self-care?"
For the next 7 days, pay close attention to when one of your high-level priorities is crossed.
Practice the mindful boundary exercise above and write down your experience.