Self Love School
Hypnotherapy and Coaching
by Sotoda Saifi
Dealing with Objections and Resistance
You are at the halfway mark of this course.
Let's pause and acknowledge the hard work you have done so far.
You have reached a big milestone: Setting and Communicating your Personal Boundaries.
With the basics down, now it's all about honing your boundary-setting skills and navigating the challenges you might face with grace and empathy.
Objections & Resistance
The aim is to communicate our boundaries and have a healthy conversation with compassion and kindness. However things don't always go as planned.
Sometimes the other person will react with anger, disappointment, or even retaliation. This can trigger you to have doubts or other negative thoughts about your boundary, resulting in feelings like shame or anxiety. It can be a very emotional situation and navigating through it can be overwhelming.
To overcome difficult, emotional situations is to practice letting go of expectations. The more you l et go of any expectations, the more calm and strong you will be.
One of the most common expectations might be that the other person will simply agree and do it without complaining. If the then the exact opposite happens and they get upset about it, saying that you don't really care about him, don't let it frustrate you.
The situation will either escalates a back-and-forth power play, or you feel guilty and give in, dropping the boundary completely.
What did you really achieve? Nothing for you, but the other person learned that by being upset, they can get their way, and you will continue to have to deal with the frustration that is causing you.
If you, however approach the boundary without any expectations about how the other person will react, you stay open and nonjudgmental. You won't get triggered and you won't react with your own self-sabotaging response.
Remember, a healthy boundary is firm yet flexible, accepting yet assertive.
Ultimately, setting a boundary will prompt all sorts of feelings from yourself and from the other person. We really can't predict how someone will react, and the truth is, we can only really control our own emotions and reactions, never someone else's.
Also, remember that this is a natural part of boundary work, and it's best to work through it rather than avoid it. Boundaries that are set with a healthy intention are inherently resilient because they have room to grow, adapting to all kinds of situations. And with a compassionate mindset, boundaries can be a UNITING force, rather than a dividing one.
Re-evaluating A BOUNDARY
A healthy, strong boundary is neither too soft nor too rigid, and it has the ability to change.
Sometimes that change might mean re evaluating and renegotiating the boundary itself, or it might mean renewing the boundary. This is especially common in more intimate relationships like a spouse, family member, or child, where the relationship and circumstances evolve with time.
For example, a boundary that was established when you and your spouse lived alone might need to be changed when you start a family.
This goes back to expectations, sometimes you go into a boundary conversation and find out all kinds of new information that you didn't know before, important knowledge that can deepen and expand the boundary so that both parties are invested and can benefit from it.
To mutually agree to a boundary is always better, and it is easier to achieve if you remain open, let go of expectations, and work through your differences together. If you have to renegotiate a boundary, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with your boundary or with you. If you focus on the boundary itself without the emotional attachments, you will have a much better time staying true to your boundary's intention while making it work for everyone involved.
Of course, there are boundaries that are just not negotiable, such as those that protect your physical safety or your personal privacy.
Ultimately, you are the decider of what is open to compromise or not.
What are some of the expectations you have about a particular boundary and the person you need to set the boundary with.
How do you think the person will respond?
For each expectation, acknowledge and accept it without judgment and practice releasing it.
To help you let it go, try this meditation:
1. Find a comfortable place to sit and close your eyes.
2. Breathing gently, bring your focus to your breath until you're feeling relaxed.
3. Reflect on the expectation you have. Visualise the expectation as if it is a scene in a movie.
4. Along with visualising the experience, feel the experience as well. What feelings come up? Take a moment to feel without judgment.
5. Take a pause and breathe deeply through your nose and out from your mouth. Breathe deeply three times.
6. Now take a moment to connect to your heart centre. Sense into this centre.
7. Visualise and feel a sacred energy flowing, like a golden light, out from your heart and through your body, from the top of your head to the bottoms of your feet.
8. As you feel the light glowing within, silently set an intention to release your expectation and the accompanying feelings you have with it. Let yourself be still, open, and receptive.
9. Continue to breathe deep into your belly while letting the light radiate and fill your being.
10. When the light fills your entire body, say to yourself silently, "I release this expectation."
11. Now let the light "wash" through you and out, releasing the expectation with it.
12. When you're ready to end the meditation, bring your awareness back to your breathing. Take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.
13. Feel free to do this meditation for each of your expectations.
Are there boundaries you want to set that are open to negotiation?
Write down the ones that you are willing to compromise on.
Are there ones that are non-negotiable?
If you know why, you will have a better chance of standing firm and being assertive.